I dont know if I can do this anymore..?

I dont know if I can do this anymore. I dont know if I can live anymore. I dont wanna die, i wanna live. I just want out. I dont wanna runaway, i want a home and food. I have nobody... the only person i had has been taken away from me, and i cant even speak to them. Shes family.. but the peoples shes with think im a hoe.. so im not aloud to speak to her. I have a friend.. a close friend.. but i cant open up to her. I just cant. I have no father. Barely have a mother. All she does is get drunk and yell at me. I suck at school no matter how hard i try. two nights ago the girl i was talking about above, was down her and suppose to stay.. but then they changed their minds because she did that "love of the day" thing on facebook, thats not bad at all.. but okay. I felt alone. Nobody understood why i was crying or why i was upset. Who did i have to talk to? im an only child and i cant talk to my mom without her yelling "well what the f*** do you want me to do" or "yeah i know because im just a horrible mother" i locked myself in my room. I just wanted to be alone, by myself for a while. She didnt care or suspect anything. I was fed up. All i could do is cry, all i could do is image myself out. Done with everything. All i wanted was myself dead. I snuk out of my room and took some benadryl. I took 10. I was back in my room, and i started to feel bad. That was when i realized i could die. I was maybe about to die. The last moment of my life were happening. I was dead. I got scared. I changed my mind because i had a little hope that life would get better. I went and told my mom. She got upset and started yelling and cusing me out saying things like "well now you dont have any f*****ing insurance and im going to have to pay to have your stomach pumped" and "why the f*** would you do that, your stupid" also "your going to F***ing die i hope your happy. and if i get you to have your stomach pumped your gonna have to get a da** liver transplant" That went on for hours. I knew there was no hope.. i was getting sleepy. Maybe i would die in my sleep. So i lied and said i only took two. She got even madder. So i locked my self in my room and went to sleep. Ive never been lucky, and wasnt that night. I woke up. I didnt go to summer school (yes, summer school because im a failure at everything) because i felt depressed, i didnt eat all day. i just layed there.. and googled suicide of course. Suicide sucks.. sometimes theres no way out. I need out. Last night i felt bad about lying so i told her that i really took ten. I figured she couldnt be too mad. She cam in my room cusing me out, saying stuff even worth. That im going to have to go to a home for crazy suicide people. Im crazy appearantly... i just layed there and cryed, and listened. Then she hit me. I felt worthless. I still do. i see no point in living. The only thinng thats stopping me is the pain of suicide. im scared of death. i just want to be gone. i want to be dead... without having to murder myself. Maybe only 1 or 2 people would miss me. Yeah theyd be sad, but what about my happiness? i cant do this anymore. This is long.. very long. but oh well. I just want to be dead. I already am on the inside.